Newspaper interview

So now we're being asked to be interviewed by the 'Star-Advertiser' about the symphony situation.

What the hell can we say?

How bad it feels to not feel the community support?

Having too much time free but too immobilized to take advantage of it?

I've been working on catching up the books- the financial records. I hadn't realized that I basically hadn't entered any financial information in to my Quicken account. Still traumatized by the hard drive crash- still have to complete the 2007 taxes which is getting more distant day by day. Can't put that off - but first gotta figure out what is in the checking account, draw up a realistic accounting of our obligations and then seek credit counseling. Probably find a lawyer.

Double reed methods class starting again in late August. I like teaching but don't like the 8:30- 9:20 time slot. During the season it worked because then I could make the 10:00 rehearsals.

Now I'll have the rest of the day free. Should be good to have something to do in the morning- I'm in this rut of getting up and hanging out on the internet all morning. That's partly why I'm not getting anything done.

So discouraged. Should I start taking classes? Will that screw up unemployment? What field should I take? I could go to Kansas City and work on a Master's program in three weeks. Can't do that- stuck here with all this stuff and these obligations.

We're at the worst age for this. My older colleagues can retire early if they're in their sixties. Younger ones have the time to re-establish themselves elsewhere. I've got ten, fifteen years left. And then what?

Paul 's blog - Blog - My blog - Yahoo! Pulse

Paul 's blog - Blog - My blog - Yahoo! Pulse

STILL TESTING!

Yoono

Just added Yoono to my Firefox.


TESTING

And so it goes

Saw the doctor today. Geeze, I'm in a fix and talking about it only made things feel worse. Fortunately I felt better before the appointment, especially after watching a video of Jon Parrish from the Orchestra Committee give a speech to the Rotary Club about the HSO. After so many months of bad vibes and despair, it was really great to hear an upbeat version of what could be.

My assignment from the doctor is to get the 2007 taxes done. That's hanging everything up. My hard drive crashed on New Year's Day, 2008 and I lost all my records, none of the back-ups would open so I've got to recreate it from receipts and the longer that I put it the worse it is for me.

So what am I doing? Trolling the internet and blogging. Great. Gotta go!

Monday, new week

Still feeling depressed and bleak. Scared- not a good place to be. Got an appointment with my shrink for tomorrow, so I moved my dental appointment up a week that conflicted.

Been working on updating the (financial) books- what a mess I've left for myself. I've got to be more productive and work harder, but it's so easy to sit around and hang on the internets or blog...

This blog is to help me get through this crisis and develop working skills that will bring in extra income, so I won't spend more whining time.

I read a lot (on the internets!) about other people's struggle. Local comedian and prolific FB'er Andy Bumatai has been pretty public about his struggles recently- aging parents, need to bring in steady money (so he's selling Deep Sea Kona water!)- he asked people what they tell
themselves to motivate. His phrase is 'keep moving'

Well, now I wasted time looking for it on his FB page and couldn't find it- so maybe I imagined it or it was someone else... ANYWAY, the point is - keep moving!

Sitting around feeling depressed and scared is a bad place to be.

Dark days

Today has been a dark one for me. I woke up knowing somehow that the day would be a bad one, and sure enough, the toilet mysteriously overflowed first thing in the morning. It's really starting to hit, the financial trouble we're in. Two months behind on the mortgage, thousands of dollars in unpaid back taxes, both Federal and State excise taxes. They're catching up with us and I'm not ready for them yet.

It all started in 2007 when the HSO stopped paying us on time. I was the committee chair then and my life has never been the same since. I spent all my time trying to 'save the symphony' and got tossed to the wolves in the process. Then on New Year's Day, 2008, a horrible hard drive crash and somehow my financial records are all gone, even the back-ups can't be recovered so 2007 taxes need to be done from receipts- I got half way through it, gave up and still have not filed for 2007. I owe big time for 2008 and 2009.

And now the HSO is bankrupt, and things have never looked as bleak for the future prospects. I feel like I've lost hope. Many of my colleagues have left and gone on to other jobs in other fields. I don't feel qualified for anything else and am paralyzed with anxiety of how to proceed.

I've been avoiding and denying for too long. Even when I was in practice mode for the four auditions I took I could have been more proactive. I've let myself laze around and have missed opportunities that I could possibly have created for myself.

I should have been keeping the books more up-to-date and now have to pay the price. There's a box full of receipts and statements - and two more boxes as well, under my desk. The garage is full of junk that we bought for the kids, all outgrown and some of it never used in the first place. There's 14 cages that Meghan was going to clean and sell back in June, never did- leaving it for us to do. I just feel so overwhelmed.

The front page of today's paper highlighted how weak Hawaii's foreclosure laws are and as I read it the reality that we may well lose this house really sunk in. Better get moving, get lean and mean as Dr. Okumoto has been advising for months. We're in deep doo doo.

This blog is to be about my process of surviving this crisis. Wish us luck.

Another busy week

Hard to believe it's been another week since I posted. Spent the week working on the Beatles 'I am the Walrus' arrangement, three rehearsals and the concert Sunday night. Concert went well, lots of people there and well received. The arrangement worked well too, so I'm glad about that.

Gotta get more music print-ready before I can really start to promote the website, etc.

Lots of stuff in the media about the HSO, very strange and stressful to see your job's demise discussed on the front page... For some reason, this period has turned into a pressure point. I thought that would be waiting until the bankruptcy court in October, so maybe it's good that there's some action now. It seems that much of the orchestra world is falling apart at the moment, I do envy those in situations that keep them playing. That's the worst part of this whole thing- not being able to do what you love to do.....

In many ways, this situation is like the people in the gulf. The problem is big and out of our control, not of our making but totally devastating. At least they seem to have the gusher capped for the moment. When will our gusher start up again?

In so many ways our situation reminds me